I went to Asda earlier, Trump persuaded me: "It's on our way home". I'd picked her up from work, you see; the kind soul that I am.
"It's a lot cheaper than Tesco", she tried to justify the torture.
"That's because there's nothing worth buying here!"
Hardly any veg, minuscule tubs of Coffeemate, shit bread. It's OK if you're after a 20kg bag of chapati flour, but bugger me, it's a shit hole. And it's no cheaper than Tesco, I swear.
I swear a lot when I'm in Asda.
And how could I forget the child that was honking on a display toy... for the duration of our visit?
Fuck.
Tell me. Do you have any... tattoos?
I don't, but I know somebody who does. Trump got one done at the weekend, she's very brave. I might get one, but I can't think of what I'd like done, or where, since I don't really like revealing any of my skin. My hesitancy has nothing to with wanting to avoid a severe beating from my mother or anything.
Are you in the mafia?
I was asked this last week, not in a nasty way, but the question came about when a soon to be new colleague asked the origins of my surname.
Yeah, Don Sniff is such a successful mafia boss that his youngest daughter can enjoy an unsuccessful career as a scientist and semi-professional. Fuck, if my dad was anything like a decent mafia boss, I'd have had a taser by now, wouldn't I?
Some people are so dim.
The woman who asked the question? She is dead to me.
Bursting point
I was in Coyote's in Manchester one night the other week. This is a bar in the Village that's frequented mainly by lesbians. I thought I recognised one of the women there and it came to me that she might be joining our team at work in the next few months.
Do you realise how difficult it is to control the urge to run into the office and scream "I think I saw that new woman who's starting soon, she was in Coyote's in the Village, I wonder if she's Family!"
I wonder if she is.
It probably wasn't even her.
Tainted love
Off to see Marc Almond on Sunday. Fabulous.
8 comments:
No ink on me. I've thought about it, but I don't really want anything permanent on my skin. Could you imagine the distortion when gravity takes hold? Plus, I'm a complete chickenshit about pain.
So where did Trump get her tat, anyway? Anyplace interesting?
Why don't you get 'I fuckin' hate Asda' tatooed on your left buttock. I have. It's always a useful talking point at parties.
Marc Almond is a strange one, but even a miserable cynic like me has to admit that ,Say hello, wave goodbye' is one of the best pop songs ever written.
Brilliant surname thou hast.
Say it fast when you answer the phone and people will think they have accidentally dialled a firm of Solicitors or Chartered Accountants.
Or a cabaret act, if you sound cheerful.
Your entire name, I mean, for the phone gag.
Unfortunately, I have difficulty saying my name in full because of the ..na an... thing. You have no idea how difficult it makes it.
I wish I was a mafia boss's daughter.
Oh, Trump's tat is on her wrist. Check out her blog.
Coffee Mate? Has some twisted time warp transported you back to the 70's and left you there? For fucks sake.
Tatts - Me (2), Tazzy (7)
In the Mafia - No, but I'd have liked to have been. So long as no-one was out to get me.
Asda - *laughs*
Forget Garfy's suggestion about getting the tattoo on the buttock.
It must be the forehead for maximum effect.
Next time your in Asda pick us up a Vesta Chicken Curry,I'm hungry.
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