After a year of being plagued by squeaky, streaky windscreen wipers, I bought a new set the other week. Seventeen pounds, thankyouverymuch. They worked magnificently as I merrily squirted screenwash. I was so happy when the sun was shining and I didn't actually need to use my wipers; I'd give my windscreen a daily squirt, and it'd clear with a smooth and silent sweep across the glass.
Now the rain is back. I need my wipers all the time... or I may actually die... and they're squeaking like total fuckers. It's got to the point where I'd rather not have my wipers on in torrential rain to save me from the pain of my noisy wipers.
The rain will be with us until at least the end of the week. Joy.
Eurovision song farce
As usual, the Eurovision song contest was reduced to a farce as neighbouring "new European" countries from the former Eastern Bloc and Baltic states voted for their neighbours. This competition just shows why we shouldn't have anything to do with Europe.
Serbia won it this year. After a lot of delving through the internet, I finally managed to find out that the winning artiste is a lesbian. I would never have known from the look of her, or from her routine; surrounded by a load of femmes, pawing her, running their hands over her shoulders, singing close to her ears, mouth.
Of course, Eurovision is so gay that any gay act is bound to get a huge proportion of votes from the millions of queers gathered across the continent in their parties and in the gay bars of Europe. I bet the girls at Coyotes in Manchester were glued to the widescreen TV, eagerly texting away in support of Marija. They should really be looking after those fingers and not wearing them out on futile text voting!
A to Z of swearing
Courtesy of Jamie Smart's Bohda Te:
The house of flying kitties
This is what generally greets us when we return home from work, just substitute the gingham fish for a shin or kneecap.
Monday, Monday
It's bedtime on Sunday.
Fuck.
I really hate Mondays. And every other day apart from weekend days and bank holidays.
It's bedtime on Sunday.
Fuck.
I really hate Mondays. And every other day apart from weekend days and bank holidays.
17 comments:
Yay.... 1st and 2nd.
Bedtime... you lazy cunt. It's only 2:18pm. I, on the other hand, am preparing for a "Mother's Day Party" courtesy of Sprog II. We're going to play games and everything. She also told me we can put Happy Birthday Sprog II on the cake. Hmmmmm, I think I've been had.
Games? Cribbage by any chance?
Mother's day was ages ago. You Canadians are sooooooo retarded!
I missed the eurovision song contest this year by not watching it.
It was a dead cert that we were never gonna win. Not while we opt out of the European working time directive. A thing like that isn't forgotten or forgiven.
I said that somewhere today too.
Th mothers day thing, I mean.
And thank fuck that gross image of the slipers has dropped down the page a bit.
I've no comment to make on Eurovison, the pile of wank.
It must be a North American thing, as it was Mother's Day here, too. The WCM and Miss Peanut took me out for breakfast, I took my mother out for lunch, and I had to cook my own damn dinner.
I'm so not looking forward to tomorrow. Back to the salt mines...
"Balkan Idol" is a great wheeze.
What a freakshow! A bunch of very strange people, the most fucked up ones they can dredge from each respective country, usually, bellowing and howling mistranslated lyrics in the entire gamut of comedy accents!
It's by far the most surreal thing on TV, ever, and tons of fun for that reason. The way they amusingly have the singers singing to a randomly selected tune, and ignoring the music. It's like Radio 4's "I'm sorry, I haven't a clue", the bit where they have to sing one song to the tune of another.
It's also endlessly head-shakingly odd in another sense - I know the Eurovision vote is just a big political "state of the (dis)union" snapshot, but in this day and age, people are well used to TV reality voting by now, they know how it works, and they appear to love it. This being the case, I don't understand how come they are still voting on the basis of the country's names, song be damned. I would have thought by now that enough people would be voting for the songs they actually like?
Ah, fuck 'em then.
Romania was best. I guess all those shoeboxes of food we sent did some good, after all. Hungary made an effort. Russia was just plain nasty, lyrics speaking of cold, open, crass prostitution, hahaha. "You give me money upfront, then I spin my dripping ass on you, no smiling" or something like that.
I'd bet £5 that one of the girls with the black curly hair on the right of the photo is the one who's a bit more than just friends with the Serbian singer. They kept giving one another looks with added content.
That cat does look a bit best avoided, actually.
I'm going to foster an Albanian* earthangel.
Albania* = the only fucking country that voted for Ireland
It's about time we let the Eastern Bloc get on with their own contest while we return to the good old days of not even watching it because we know we won't have anything to whinge about without the block voting.
The cat generally avoids us, but she does lie in wait for us when we come through the door after work and when we get up in the morning.
I liked the Ukraine, the lead singer looked like Christopher Biggins in tinfoil.
Cat = nasty little clawed mentalist
"nasty little clawed mentalist"
Are we talking about the cat, or Sniffy?
Both. So think on. Cunts.
A - Asswipe, Asslicker, Asshole, Anus Face.
April!
Click on the image to get the whole swearing alphabet.
£17! they ought to be quality. Try bending them such that their angle of contact changes. That usually does the trick.
Love the cat action shot.
*God I hate poodles*
I wish Eurovision wasn't on a Saturday night. Clashes with karaoke.
Just got a 404 Sniff...I want that alphabet for the earthangels bedroom
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