And all the time I was cleaning up, my knees were being attacked by the little fucker.
I despair. We could have another fifteen years with that little bundle of fun.
Holiday
I want to go on holiday. Somewhere where the sun shines and it is warm, where there is good regional cooking and lots of photo opportunities.
But what do we do with the psychotic cat for a week while we're off having fun in the sun? I vote for an anaesthetic/Whiskas IV infusion with her locked in my parents' shed. Actually, why just do it for a week? We could have her in a permanent state of suspended animation! In a nappy!!!
Sniffy on the beat
I'm thinking of joining the police. Nothing to do with my overwhelming sense of public duty, of defending the good guys, of helping folk and trying to make my community a better place to live for everybody. No, I want to join the police because there is a suggestion of standard bobbies on the beat being given tasers. You won't even have to be a firearms officer, just a normal bobby!
What next? In a few years' time, they might be giving them to traffic wardens and crossing ladies! Imagine that, a crossing lady whose lollipop has been converted into a taser, or maybe just a cattle prod, to zap anybody of their choosing who crosses their path. Ace. Personally, I'd be on the lookout for "Chorlton mum" as she takes little Zeb and Cressida to school while pushing baby Tomassina in the three-wheeler.
Gotcha!
Home alone
Me and Loosh are on our own this evening. Trump is off to her parents' place in readiness for a fortnight's fun and frolics house and dog sitting. Me and the cat, locked down together. It'll be like the first night in a prison cell for a nervous convict; knowing that an attack from their cell mate is inevitable, but never knowing when it's going to happen.
13 comments:
They should issue taser's at work. I would find them especially helpful when we have our elders' meetings. ZAP! That would infuse some spark into the meetings.
Yay... first and second.
PS... leave the cat with a ton of food and water and take off for a week. No problem.
I'd LOVE a taser. We got SIDs kids a sort of low powered one last year. I expect it's been converted to some kind of sordid sex toy by now.
It's really easy to make one, y'know. I'm just to lazy.
They'll be giving them away as kids gifts in packets of Sugar Puffs pretty soon.
I don't know anybody who wouldn't want one. I think it's really unfair that we're not allowed them over here.
I'm sure I could get away with ordering one from the States and giving my work address for delivery.
*ahem*
Taser Fun.
Yes, the earthangels loved their weapon,and oh the fun we've had.
Shocked..but not appalled.
Oh fuck that for a link...check out this instead
YouTube - How to make a taser from a disposable camera
That's brilliant! I wonder what would happen if I hooked it up to a car battery. Not particularly portable, but great fun.
It also gives me an idea of what to do when I'm bored at the next wedding I go to; you know, where they put a disposable camera on each table?
If we all club together and buy you a taser, will you take requests?
Travel expenses paid, of course.
And why will you be attacking the cat? Ho ho. That's how I read it, anyway.
Put Ms Bitey (cat, not Trump) on Iams dry food - very healthy stuff, can leave it out for days without it turning grey like the jelly in tins. Then the shit the cat will produce will be be non-stick - just dense, dry logs which can be picked up from the carpet rather than washed out of it, should they be found where they ought not to be, and although the vile gifts will stink just as horrendously as before, they will do so for less time. Small mercies, and all that.
@Pissoff:
I very much like your little avatar picture. I was going to say "lady of the lake", but that somehow seems inappropriate.
Oh I could NEVER hurt an animal, ever. We're considering dry food for over the summer. She actually likes supermarket biscuits, so it's worth giving those a go.
Yes, I've been checking on the taser situation and you can get one for about $300. Delivered in discreet packaging.
I'd take one for my middle-school miscreants. I have one class in particular that could use it. Unfortunately, I think the fucker has a long recharge time and I wouldn't be able to get them all before they took me out. Fuckers.
My mom had one for a while. She also has a gun. My mom's quite scary sometimes.
And.... the dirty little bastard making you clean that shit up. I hope you rubbed his nose in it.
Personally, when I sell my house I'm going to shit in a bucket and throw it over the fence for the neighbours. That'll give 'em something to complain about. Cunts.
Pissoff..Sniffy told us you already did that...every day.
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