I am referring to Trump's alarm clock, which has its time set twenty minutes fast for some reason. When it doesn't beep at us, the alternative wake up is the radio, which comes on set to Radio Four. All I hear with Radio Four is the teacher from the Peanuts cartoon, just voices, nothing worth tuning my mind in to. "And now we hand over to phar-phaaar-phar-pharrrr who will be discussing mumphthth and muuuumphthth after a visit to Keeenya". That's all there ever is on Radio 4. Pile of crap. People only listen to Radio 4 so they can sound clever when they come into work and talk about what they've just heard on the Today Programme. Wankers. He hasn't posted for AGES, but Herge Smith once beautifully summed up all that is Radio 4 in the wonderful Angry Chimp blog. I wish Herge would come back to us, I miss him.
Dateline Salford... 17th March 2007
Headlines today:
Boing! Sniffy changes a shitty nappy!
Yep, I changed Connie's nappy this evening - baby Connie, not mother Connie. It was fine, I'm a natural.
The baby is great; sleeps alot and doesn't whinge unless I take flash photos of her. She has eyes now too, which are always useful.
She also has a deformity. Nothing serious, but something that has been passed down through generations on Papa Sniff's side. She has "Sniffy toe":
It may seem trivial at this tender age, but that'll be really painful when she tries to use a cross trainer later on in life!
15 comments:
That's enough bruised afterbirth to be going on with.
I like the pugilistic chin. Men shall suffer.
Will she make it to Cheltenam age 13?
Not that I gamble.
Oh fuck.
With any child of my sister's, you can be assured that men will pay . The currency is screaming.
That is so cool - I'll bet you were all delighted to discover Sniffy Toe™!
I'll try to get photos of Bomb's and Dad's toes to show you all too. It's great. I even had an op on mine to try to straighten it, but it sprung straight back. You'd think it'd be something trivial that wouldn't impact on your life, but the way it squashes the adjacent toe down causes some degree of discomfort while walking. Better to get little Connie's sorted while she's a baby I think.
Poor Connie Jr... having to bear the burden of the Gambino Toe. Amputate it I say - get rid of the problem once and for all.
While the new addition to the Sniffy extended family is adorable, all those photos of feet (baby or otherwise) have grossed me out. I have issues as I'm sure you've guessed.
One thing to be grateful for - at least she only has 5 toes on each foot.
Congrats to all.
In the middle ages deformed toed ones would have been thrown in the river to check you weren't witches.
Fucking freaks.
And how long did it take you to get your feet clean, Sniffmeister?
My feet are very clean ACTUALLY.
Before the birth, I'd been joking with my sister about how many toes her baby would come out with. She got really upset for some reason.
I think amputation might be a bit drastic at this stage, but we'll see how we get on with gentle massage.
Feet gross me out too. Baby feet aren't too bad though. Poor little bugger for now, but poor everyone else when she grows up and goes on about it like Sniff does. "My toe's flapping about!"
It'd have been funnier to joke about how many heads it might have had.
Or how many alsation puppies she'd be having.
But that'd have been cruel, so I wouldn't have partaken of such fun-poking.
Miss Peanut got my feet - wide feet, chubby toes, and the little toe is twisted to the side. Better, I guess, than her father's freakishly long finger-toes.
I love genetics.
Those of the deformed toe in the Middle Ages were never witches - Well, not very good ones, anyway. If they were found and chucked in the river, they deserved to drown. Or float and then be burnt at the stake.
The real witches were the ones doing all the throwing and igniting, to move the eye of suspicion away from them.
I must say, Sniffy, despite my aversion to feet, your nails are quite lovely. Well taken care of and healthy. Yes, an odd comment to make but remarkable that I was able to say it given the way they make me feel. I'm also surprised that I managed a second look at the photo...
Karen's a secret toe-perv, I reckon.
The dirty bitch.
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