I'm sure it's grown since that photo was taken.
Fate has it that Trump sits to my left on the sofa, in the car and she lies to my left in bed. We will be chatting and I'll notice her gaze divert to His Hairiness Lord Mole. It's a lot to put up with and I understand how disturbing it must be for her. Even her Wii has noticed; the baseball teams now have at least four players with huge moles on their faces. Hairy moles are spreading in epidemic proportions it seems.
If I thought the NHS didn't have anything better to do than needless cosmetic operations, I'd go and get it sorted. My GP would probably refer me to an appropriate surgeon if I went and asked, but it seems that I only ever go to my GP when I want lumps removing from various bits of my body.
But my reluctance to go to my doctor waned a little on Friday after a meeting I had at work. I was helping a young medic with a research proposal, she was sat in my office on the chair on the left of mine. As we conversed, I noticed that, on a number of occasions, her eyes were drawn to the left side of my face. I should've asked her if any of her colleagues could sort it out for me, but I didn't want to make it obvious that I'd noticed her gawping at my hideous disfigurement.
So, I feel it's time for a special....
Should Sniffy go and see poor old Dr Williams about getting her hideous mole surgically removed?
Lesbian shoes
I'd had my eye on a pair of shoes for a while. They were pretty funky and they looked really comfortable. The only drawback was their price. At £80 a pair, I found it hard to justify buying them. That was until I was down in the dumps last weekend; in such circumstances, retail therapy resulting in the purchase of £80 shoes is entirely justified.
And this is them.
They are Art "Skyline in Adventure" shoes and I think they're pretty cool. Bomb saw them last week and said "those shoes are so queer". Shocked and appalled, I protested:
"They're not queer, they're cool!"
She shrugged a "whatever".
Discussing this with Trump, I was shocked and horrified by her declaration, "Of course they're lesbian shoes, what the fuck else are they?". Jeez, shoes are shoes in my opinion, but there's something about lesbians that they automatically zone in on a woman's shoes, apparently. Out with a couple of gay friends yesterday, I shouted in excitement, "I've got new shoes!", but they'd already clocked them as I walked into the coffee shop where we'd met.
Weirdos.
Let's face it, I don't know why a lesbian would need to look at another lesbian's shoes because they'd fall into one of four categories:
- Utility (Docs, Cats, Timberland)
- Trainers (usually Converse All stars - because "that's what Shane from the L Word wears")
- SUV - Camper/Merrill
- Power sandals
How DO people type with long fingernails?
Mine haven't been clipped for a fortnight; they're hardly Hollywood, but I'm typing with the dexterity of a gibbon today.
Excitement ahoy
And in the final section of what could be my last post for a few days I shall talk about the final preparations in la casa Sniffy as we await the arrival of il bombino. Actually, there's nothing much to describe. My sister is coming here for few days after the birth to be looked after and that's about it. It's going to be exciting and new and very scary, but it's nothing that millions of others haven't experienced in much more challenging circumstances.
I bet it grows up to be a total shit.
Other excitement centres around plans to move me into Trump Towers. A wardrobe is being delivered on Wednesday morning. Tomorrow evening will be spent clearing the back bedroom (study) such that we can move around in there enough to give the walls a lick of paint before getting into an argument while assembling a variety of flatpack furniture.
Good times.
23 comments:
I have a couple of moles on my face as well. Yours is much lighter in colour than mine. However, at first glance mine could be mistaken for large bumpy freckles and blend well with the rest of my face. I say if it's not a funny colour or odd shape, leave it alone. However, it never hurts to have it checked out by your doctor. I've had one on my stomach and one on my back removed (just in case...)
I post a photo that should have brought a response of mirth and you have a sensible suggestion???? Come back with a piss-take!
I think you should tattoo "fuck off!!" around the circumference in little black letters.
I wonder if Enrique Iglesais misses the mole he had zapped off his face? Most importantly Sniffy, is to ask yourself, what would Shane do?
Shane would try to shag it, or dress it up with too much black eye liner.
Then that's what you must do.
Well, any lesbian worth her salt identifies with Shane and so you're absolutely right, that's EXACTLY what I must do.
Holy Moley!!
I see the face of Our Lord Jesus Christ in that.
Excise it and send it to me for a charity ebay auction.
Better still get Connie to excise it.
Wearing a blindfold.
Take pics.
Post.
Another fantastic suggestion from SID! Although an excised mole isn't as entertaining as a bruised buzzoomer (that was a year ago tomorrow, would you believe?).
I may get Connie to have a go at the Buddhist toe-burning ceremony on it. I wonder if verruca treatment would work on it.
My doesn't time fly....and year since your meet with the Poofs.
Ahhh the mammaries!
Aye, and it's still a bit tender. They never tell you about the pain when you have an operation. Bastards.
A most definite NO!
Instead, you should visit the hairdresser and get a fucking haircut!
What's wrong with my hair? Anyway, I thought you two weren't going to be around this week because of the merciful ISP police cutting you off for a while.
We decided not to switch ISP just yet.
They made us an offer we couldn't refuse.
What, did they threaten you with a horse's head in the bed or a chicken foetus in your breakfast chucky egg?
If it's not going to cost you, have the mole excommunicated or removed depending on your religion.
Shoes. My sister would like those shoes. She's totally lesbian except for the shagging other women bit.
Mole - eeeeeeuuuuuwwww! Have Connie burn it. God knows what will turn then.
Shoes - um, yeah, you big lez.
Fingernails - we develop a bit more manual dexterity. It's a skill and a talent, not unlike playing Rachmaninov on the piano.
Moving to Trump Towers? Ooh, a lovely committed relationship. And already planning the requisite lesbian mating rituals - home improvements. Ah, it makes this romantic's heart just go pitty-pat.
Mirth? I don't do mirth. Hmm, let me think.
Cunt. Does that cover it? Give me a break, it's not even 6:30 yet this morning...
The mole must go.
The only problem is that if you get it scalpelled it'll just pop up on some other part of your anatomy.
Moles are like that.
It if bothers others, remove it. Then ask those who love you to have a chunk taken out of their body. It's not necessarily a pleasant healing process. Send what was removed over to T & P's place as a present.
You have a shoe fetish, have you realized? You were talking about shoes in just this way about this time last year, weren't you?
Children. Blech.
They are HOT shoes. I hope to god they sell them online cos you can bet your bottom dollar they won't sell them in Australia. Shopping here is shite. I have 10 pairs of flip flops and 5 pairs of convers. enuf said. I have no class.
I love you, every bit of you but that Roley Mo has to go-go! I worry about the hairs and your plucking them. By the time you're 50, you'll be combing them over.
And that wardrobe is the size of New Zealand you twat.
Thank you and hello Saski. Good luck with the shoe hunt. How do you walk on flip flops? I always fall over when I wear flip flops: my feet fall off the sides.
Just lop the fucker off with a craft knife and feed it to Trumpy Trousers with her morning cornflakes.
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