People tell us that natural whole foods are good for us. That we should avoid processed, purified produce in favour of things are they're meant to be.
I don't think so.
Could you imagine going to anywhere other than some crank, vegan restaurant and being offered a plate of whole wheat pasta? No. It's just not right. Advocates go on about the delicious nutty flavour of brown pasta, but no, it's just not right. It's like wholemeal bread and wholemeal pitta bread. What if you went to the kebab shop and they gave you a wholemeal pitta bread or naan bread? There'd be a riot, and quite rightly too. I don't like it when the vehicle for my sauce or sandwich filling interferes unduly with the flavour. Yes, wholemeal pasta and bread might have a wonderful nutty flavour, but I don't want it getting in the way of everything else.
I've been accused of being narrow-minded, of not wanting to broaden my horizons. Too right. Some things I just don't need to try to know that I won't like them (bum sex, cottage cheeses). But the other week, I thought I'd make a concession for Trump and give the most evil stuff on the planet a go:
Brown rice.
Utter rubbish. This was no ordinary brown rice, this was found at the back of the cupboard Asda brown rice. I was going to cook it properly, but I hung fire and read the instructions that told me to cook it by absorption rather than immersion. The recommended method turned out to be excellent for producing a pan of inedible stodgy shite. The recipe I was using told me to add grated beetroot and kidney beans. The brown stodge was transformed into a purple stodge. It was still inedible. Top tip: don't try to grate beetroot unless it's pretty dry, it just turns into mush.
Disastrous, disgusting, never again.
Of course, another "Brown" that I hate is Gordon Brown; he's a complete cunt.
Cheeses
If you ever need to trump in the supermarket, and you know it's going to be a total stinker, hurry yourself along to the continental cheese fridge and let rip from there.
Sunday evening
I hate Sunday evenings. With a difficult week ahead at work, I didn't really want the weekend to draw to a close, but here I am. I'm Trumpless and I'm watching a documentary about British bridges on Discovery Civilisation. Joy.
My hatred of Sunday evenings has never lessened in 30 years.
Hands up anybody who gets to Sunday teatime and thinks "Oh fantastic, it's Monday tomorrow, another interesting week at work ahead of me!"
10 comments:
I don't mind whole wheat spaghetti but other pasta shapes taste funny. WW pitas aren't that bad but certainly not the way nature intended. Brown foods on a whole, while supposedly "healthier", taste like cardboard to me. And you know what else is brown coloured? Yeah, that's right and I'm not about to eat that either.
I had to reread the cheese section a few times before I realized you weren't talking about Trump. You Brits and your funny sayings...
Woo hoo! I was first!
Yay, third!
Brown foods are OK so long as you don't have them with other things. A slice of wholemeal or granary bread on its own is lovely, but not brilliant for a sarnie. And they give you bad wind.
I don't mind whole wheat breads. The pastas are a bit crumbly, but I don't really mind them either. I don't eat that much of either any more, so it's not much of an issue. I've found soy pitas that are lovely - lots of protein, no discernably different taste.
Our international cheeses must be pasteurized to come into our country - getting Camembert here is nothing like the genuine article in France. Because of the pasteurization, there's much less stinkiness.
This said, I cut one in the dollar store the other day, ran away to another aisle ('cause it was BAAAAAD!) and listened to the speculation of other customers that there must be some rancid meat or spoiled dairy products, and how they were getting the hell out of there!). I snickered up my sleeve as I raced them to the checkout. That's wrong, isn't it? Funny, though.
Damn, I though I was the only one that dropped in the cheese section. I'll have to find another section now.
Convict, perhaps the cheese section smells so bad because everybody uses it as a fart refuge.
I did a trump yesterday that stuck with be for 6 paces as I walked down Market Street in Manchester. Sorry to the Big Issue seller, Oriental-looking family, African bloke selling big balloons, and any other innocent bystanders who got in my wake. I won't apologise to the bloke on the penny whistle or dodgy bearded man on the bongos.
But of course one must know how to cook to start with. Those Italians, I swear.
The whole organic thing is a waste of money, really - it does the adult human no good; if we started children eating organic, they might grow up to be less disease-ridden, but who knows. I DO like the thought of supporting local farmers.
And I do like brown rice. Do I eat it very often? No. I'm barely able to cook white rice decently, although I did find an excellent recipe for cooking it in the microwave, which makes it stress-free and it comes out perfect every time.
I dislike Monday mornings more than I dislike Sunday nights. I am good at pretending that Mondays won't arrive, until the alarm clock goes off. I swear the first word out of my mouth when I was startled awake by the alarm this morning was "fuck." Another Monday. ::sigh::
I won't be defeated by brown rice. I'm going to give it one more chance and try to cook it properly. Not that I'd be inclined to eat it, it looks like crap.
Malteasers = brown food. Fuck fab I say.
While chocolate is brown in colour, it doesn't count as brown food and you know it.
What Easter egg are you getting me?
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