I've read a report on the BBC News website about some Russian black squirrels that attacked a stray dog and mauled it to death. They ran off when they saw humans approaching, but they each took a bit of the pooch with them. Vicious little bastards.
In the words of Boney M's (Ra Ra) Rasputin:
Ahh, those Russians!
Meanwhile, be warned when trying on cheap imported jeans from China. One Japanese woman ended up in hospital for five days after being stung by a scorpion that had been transported in the legs of the pair of jeans she was trying on. Wondering why she'd got a sharp pain in her knee after an initial sting, she got caught out again when she patted her knee with her hand.
Ouch!
Breaking up is hard to do
Bollocks it is. Breaking up from work for Christmas that is. I finish tomorrow and I'm counting the hours to 4pm when I can turn off my PC and say goodbye to my untidy desk for nearly a fortnight.
I'm not really feeling Christmassy yet, but no doubt a couple of days roadraging for parking spaces at the supermarket and tripping over spasmo shoppers will get me feeling all festive and warm inside.
I'll have Trump with me to calm me, so all will be fine. Actually, she winds me up even more by not agreeing with me when I complain about the tossers who see their sole purpose in life as being irritants to the rest of us.
Bombshell
Nope, nothing to do with my increasingly insane sister, this is related to Mother.
I noticed a bag of sprouts in the kitchen on Sunday and asked if they were the Christmas ones. "No, we're not having sprouts with Christmas dinner this year. I'm doing a lasagne and we're having the turkey with salad and pickles and things afterwards."
I almost fainted. Christmas dinner, the BEST meal of the year, without sprouts, roasties, parsnips and gravies? She must be fucking mad.
This is like the 2004 tsunami, Farepack and the Grinch stealing Christmas all rolled into one.
People always go on to me about how wonderful it is that I am half Italian. No it's fucking NOT wonderful, not when it ruins my Christmas it isn't. I bet none of you bastards are having some weird foreign stuff on Christmas Day (unless you're weird and foreign).
I can't believe it. There is some very strong lobbying to be done in the coming days. I may have to go in the local newspaper, photographed looking forlornly and pointing at a bag of raw sprouts. "Salford woman seeks adoption from proper English family".
Shocked and appalled.
12 comments:
Shoot her.
Shoot her now.
It's not just me, is it? She is planning a heinous crime, isn't she? It'd be a mercy killing, but I'll make sure she's cooked the turkey first.
I never see what's so special about Crimbo dinner, anyway (fave word).
All that fucking turkey (why do they have to be so fucking big?) which everyone always says they don't really like that much anyway (fave word again).
I'd prefer lasagne.
Well I would if I acually liked the foreign muck. As it happens, I don't care for it at all.
Christmas..... I hate this time of year.
Affanculo.
Miserable fucking cunt.
You've probably never had a decent Christmas dinner, that's your problem. If you'd have one of Connie's, you'd soon change your tune. Then again, since Connie has now decided that Christmas dinner is beneath her, we might never be getting it ever again.
I love it when I sit back in my chair on Christmas afternoon, satisfied that my turkey sausage compartment is well and truly stuffed.
Well it's not the Italian half of your parentage that's denying you your full Christmas dinner is it? It's the scouse half.
Say. No. Fucking. More.
Victims, the lot of them.
She will be a bloody victim of some hideous and violent crime if she tries that one again.
Turkey sausage compartment?
You filthy cunt.
Trumpy trousers must be horrified at this new discovery.
We've got a huge Ukranian population in my neck of the woods. Even those of us who aren't Ukranian will often have perogies, sausage, cabbage rolls, etc. at the holidays. And it's not just limited to Christmas. Yes, for many of us Christmas=Turkey but lasagna is fantastic! And you're getting both, just not the sprouts. Most people would be thrilled to not have to eat those green little bastards. I however am with you - I heart sprouts.
Karen & Sniffy, you can count me in on one of the population that would be happy not to eat the little green bastards - sprouts are nasty devil vegetables, second in nastiness only to okra.
However, whatever is Connie thinking of, mucking about with tradition in such a cavalier fashion? Just mentioning offhand that you'll not be having your favorites like that! I say fire her and do the cooking yourself.
Or whine and grovel a lot. That usually gets results.
Remind her what happened to the pheasants and then suggest that she may want to re-think the Christmas dinner menu.
For additional threatening behaviour put a pheasant head on her pillow.
Maybe your mother will dye the lasagne noodles green to complement the tomato sauce. A real Christmas lasagne! At least you're not half Turkish - it could've been camel.
I thought you'd gassed them.
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