Mulled whine

The festive season brings out the worst in some people - as well as the best in many others. I mean, I can't believe the audacity of folk wanting to use cloves all of a sudden. Throughout the year, the supermakets' Schwartz herbs and spices shelves are virtually overflowing with jars and packets of these little spice bombs, but with three days to go to Christmas, you can't get hold of them for love nor money.

I blame Nigella Lawson. Delicious as she is, her fancy London-ways have given normal folk ideas above their status and even the most lowly of plebs is doing stuff with spices. Amongst the common person's repertoire is mulled wine, which is supped by the mug full to sighs of pleasure and "OOooh, you can just imagine being back in them days, warming yourself next to a fire and eating roast pheasant using your fingers". Yeah, and I bet you can't imagine what it's like plucking and cleaning the fucker beforehand, y'bastard!

And of course, cloves are also used to stud gammon joints before crisping up their glaze in the oven. This was the intended purpose of the cloves that I couldn't source. Never mind, Christmas won't be ruined without them.

Cinnamon sticks are also in short supply. I think this is because of The Guardian and The Observer readers using them in wrapping of Christmas gifts or to scatter with abandon to decorate the Christmas table. Ponces. I know of a certain couple of the Sisterhood who are preparing gifts of hampers, containing home-made fudge and organic, fair-trade goods. I'm sure gadgets are cheaper.



Rudolf with your nose so bright
Won't you guide my plane tonight.

Yes, the south of England's air traffic has been severely disrupted by a thick fog that has been stuck over that part of our small island for the past couple of days. Domestic flights cancelled, international flights subject to long delays - all because the air traffic controllers can't see when the planes have cleared the runway at Heathrow.

It's good to see that the stoicism of the British people is alive and well, with stranded, blanket-wrapped travellers accepting their lot with comments like "it's only fog, I don't see why they can't fly" or "nobody will tell us what's going on and why they've stopped all the flights."

Perhaps British Airways might consider changing its recruitment policy to include extremist Islamic suicide pilots for occasions such as these, just so certain people can be assured of getting on their flights on time.

I pity the fool.


Sweet home Alabama
Somebody in the Alabama School of Maths and Science has been searching for "Cliff Richard gay" and found my blog! And the same person seems to be leaving comments on the post that they found, which was written in July, perhaps thinking I might go back and respond. No I won't, but since Cliff has taken it upon himself to hijack Christmas, I might just remind everyone why I hate the vain little cunt.