Drive safe

There is a road safety campaign called Drive Safe that claims that the thousands of road accidents and a few deaths that occur on the region's roads are all caused by motorists breaking the speed limit. What a load of bollocks. Accidents are caused by:

• Vehicles pulling out;
  
• Vehicles stopping suddenly;
  
• Pedestrians wandering into the road without looking where they're going;
  
• Buses weaving in and out of bus lanes.

Speeding isn't the cause of accidents when these things happen, but travelling at an inappropriate speed means that an accident is less likely to be avoided.

For example, the speed limit in most towns is 30mph. You travel at this speed in stop-start traffic and you're highly likely to smack into the back of the car in front of you, but you won't be caught by a speed camera. People travel on motorways in excess of 70mph, but there are relatively few accidents. Why? Because people are generally travelling in the same direction, you don't get pedestrians wandering into the road while sending text messages and you don't get cyclists or buses weaving in and out of the cars and lorries.

So now there's a road safety campaign that claims that all accidents are caused by motorists breaking the speed limit. Worse still, The Mysterious They are using the campaign as an excuse to introduce yet more speed cameras and - even WORSE - mobile speed detection units. These fuckers drive round in a little "Drive Safe" van and park on the roadside of nice wide 30mph roads, on nice clear days when there's no traffic about. And they wait and they rake in the cash as unwitting motorists pootle on by at 33, 34, 35 mph. Two weeks later the poor bastards get a notice to prosecute because they were driving at 33mph in 30mph zone on a clear day. KerCHING!

You don't get the fuckers parked up and taking their pictures at 10pm when lunatics are flying about 80mph on the same roads, do you? No because they know there's no point prosecuting people who are probably already banned from driving or whose vehicles aren't registered, taxed or insured anyway.

Next time I see one of these sneaky little shits parked up with his camera poking out the back of his van, I'm going to pull up in front of him, and then reverse as quickly as I can to knock the little bastard out. Fuckers.

I don't condone speeding in urban areas, I try very hard not to break speed limits myself, I'm sure most motorists are the same. If campaigns such as these were really interested in road safety, drivers would get a warning notification for each occasion when they were found to be travelling over the speed limit (within limits) within a three month time period, picking up points and a fine on the third occasion. The campaigns should also concentrate more on stupid fuckwit kids (and their parents), who run into the road without looking, and nobheads who wander about into traffic without paying attention too. Let's face it, if pedestrians stayed on pavements and used proper crossings, they'd be much safer.

Of course, spending money on education and getting people use road safely doesn't bring in any revenue, does it?


ANPR
While I'm the subject of cameras and shit like that, I'd like to mention Automated Number Plate Recognition. This is a system that I understand the government is trying to introduce here in the UK ANPR allows a vehicle's number plate to be picked up and tracked by a series of cameras. Nice.

It's getting to the stage where you can't go anywhere in this country without being captured on CCTV, but the introduction of ANPR will mean that you'll not only be captured on camera, but they'll also know who you are too.

FUCKERS!


Christmas lights
Me and Trump wandered into the City yesterday afternoon. It was getting dark and it wasn't long before the Christmas lights came on above the city's streets. "Season's Greetings!", was the welcome above Cross St. It's Merry Christmas, fuckers. CHRISTMAS! Not fucking Season's Greetings or Winterval or whatever else these twats want to call it for fear of offending people who aren't in the slightest bit offended by Christmas.

But the lights looked nice (we have a blue theme in Manchester this year) and the Christmas (not "Season's") markets were attracting a bustling crowd of people, enjoying cups of steaming gluhwein and hot sausage to keep the cold November air at bay. It could be a bit difficult for somebody who shouldn't drink to wander around in such an intoxicating atmosphere - the aroma of the spiced wine really does fill the air - but it's OK and the singing moose head was ever so cheery.

I've noticed that some of my neighbours have their Christmas decorations up. Fucking scumbags. When I'm Prime Minister, I'm going to introduce a law making it illegal to put up Christmas decorations in the home before the 1st of December. Any transgressions will be severely punished by the the perpetrators having their houses burnt down.