Date: Wed, 18 Oct 2006 09:56:16 +0100
From: A.Colleague@work.uk
Subject: New phone
Dear all,
Subject: New phone
Dear all,
I now have a new direct dial number 123 4567, which was more complicated to organise that anything I have yet encountered! Prof's is still supporting me and is on 6789, which is where I will direct my phone when not in the office.
And then it began...
And I thought you meant something exciting like a new mobile phone. Gadget freaks like me have no interest in landlines or any so-called "technology" that means you actually have to speak to people!
No, I am hoping to get a new phone when my friend recycles hers. I have her old old one now and will recycle that to [my girlfriend] who is still using the original nokia brick. You would weep.
Horrified. Can't get an upgrdade on mine until April and I'm itching for a new one.
Don't your friends laugh at you for having rubbish mobile phones? It would be a useful incentive to make you upgrade regularly.
Upgrading phones is very very bad for the environment, so to be avoided. Think of all that battery acid leaching into the earth, not to mention the resources needed to manufacture it. Shame on you.
I'm sorry? This is TECHNOLOGY we're talking about - stuff the environment! Mine always get recycled to luddite friends and mothers too. Or end up in a drawer somewhere.
Not upgrading because of the environment? That's like saying you shouldn't change your highly-polluting, inefficient old motor because of the manufacturing costs of new cars. Well, not quite, but having nice material things always takes priority over namby pamby rubbish like the "environment".
Tsk.
You've been living in Chorlton too long. You need to get out in the real world. And Chorlton needs to be turned into a landfill site for old mobile phones and bits of freezers and cars. That'd learn all those Guardian-reading, Camper-wearing, three-wheel pram-pushing dreamers!
Fascist
I love my Chorlton utopia.
Chorlton is not the real world! It is a cocoon for people with misguided socialist ideals; people who think their taxes are well spent on the poor and needy. It is a poor man's Didsbury. Now there's an insult!
Besides, you live in Old Trafford.
I suppose we could all discard the trappings of civilisation and go and live in mud-huts, but the Mysterious They would still find excuses to tax us on mud-usage and blame us for all the world's ills.
The world will survive whatever humans throw at it. Humans might not, but that's probably a good thing if you think about it.
I bet you recycle
Saucer of milk!
My dad does.
Recycling is different - it helps to ensure that I can have my pop in cans instead of plastic bottles and that my car can be turned into another car when it dies.
I turn off lights and don't leave things on standby (like my PC monitor!). I use my car as little as possible (but this is more to do with my £160 a month petrol bill) and I send out as much documentation as possible in electronic format.
I turn the tap off when I brush my teeth and take showers instead of baths.
I try not to waste things.
I will not, however, start calculating my carbon balance or be made to feel guilty doing things that make my life just that little bit more bearable, enjoyable even. If this means getting a new gadget every now and again or, heaven forbid, going on holiday abroad a few times after not leaving the country for 11 years, then tough.
I went even further and started laying into working mothers whose heads are full of mush and who only ever talk about poo and the next holiday they're having in the school break and then everything sort of went blank and I came round slurping on a Cup a Soup.
Halal pizza??
Me and Trump were discussing if we should get takeaway pizza the other night. Considering the size of my arse, the answer should've been a resounding NO! However, I was all for it until she said that the only place locally was the curry/burger/kebab place. Now, they do great kebabs, I've had them, but this place is run by Muslim folk and, as such, they only use halal meat, which I'm not mad keen on the idea of at the best of times, but needs must. Worst still, there ain't no such thing as halal peperoni so their pizza toppings simply wouldn't be satisfactory. No peperoni? No ham? I'm sorry, but that's just not on! Kindly desist from advertising that you make so-called pizzas when you can't provide a full range of toppings!
Bloody fly-by-nights!
12 comments:
Awful! I scoured Israel for six months trying to find a decent pizza! Not a one to be found. So discouraging, so sad.
Well, I'm sure there'd be less trouble in the Middle East and Islamic world if they could all enjoy a decent pizza together.
I'm not one for thanking Jesus for much, but at least the legacy of his teachings means that people brought up in Christian-type countries can eat things like sausage, bacon and salami!
What's wrong with a halal pizza? They're really nice and so ar ethe people that sell them. If people don't eat certain foods because of religion, that's up to them. You can mooch around the whole of manchester if you so wish and then you will find your ham pizza.
These Halal meat shops having been popping up all over this city for the past couple of years- for the longest time I wondered, "Who the hell is this Halal guy and why does he have a monopoly like this?"
A) I don't like the idea of halal or kosher butchery because it is unnecessarily cruel.
B) The problem with halal (or kosher) pizza is that you won't be able to have a peperoni or ham topping and this means that they cannot call themselves proper pizza chefs if they won't provide the full range of toppings. You can't get anchovies of shellfish either - and this is just not right.
C) You don't get Italian takeaways selling curries or kebabs, they stick to what they excel at and so should the Asian-type ones.
D) I agree, the people who run curry/kebab shops are generally really nice - actually, the ones in Cha-Cha's are a bit unfriendly if you think about it. But they they do make great kebabs, apart from putting all that mayo on there and the chillis being a bit bitter.
Hear hear - I'll thank Jesus for my bacon every day. We have, ahem, turkey bacon here for the kosher/halal crowd. While it's not terrible, it isn't bacon to me.
Of course, what I eat as bacon (the streaky crisp kind) is not, I've heard, the kind of bacon regularly consumed in the UK. True?
Oh, and my fave pizza is bacon & onion - delish.
See, and then you go and ruin it by saying you put bacon on pizza! Tsk. One of my muslim friends wouldn't even try a bacon flavoured corn snack - said even the intention to eat something that resembled piggy products was whatever the term is for non-halal - something like "burn in hell, infidel scum". Strangely enough though, she buys veggie hot dog sausages, which are scarily similar to normal hot dog sausages,
Bacon on pizza - outraged, although I've had veggie "not-bacon" on pizza and that was OK.
And there's a difference between Italian and American pizza too - they're both nice, but the American variety is what I'd class as "dirty food".
As for North American bacon, it's a bit weird compared to what we have, but it's OK. Don't like it with pancakes with syrup though, that's just wrong.
A few years ago at work we had one of these e-mail conversations with "Reply To All". I still remember it now, this is how it went:
Dave: "Someones's left a yale door lock on my desk. Any ideas?"
Max: "What, you means someone's fitted one and now you can't get in?"
My, how I laughed...
Mmm..nothing wrong with some dirty food!
Halal buy the pizza if You'll buy the kebab.
sorry
Speaking of Jesus - Christ, that's some long spam!
Nothing wrong with bacon on pizza, and "dirty food?" Mmmmmm, like dirty sex? 'cause hey, that's nice!
Fuck me, I can't tell whether that's serious or not!
Have they just cut and pasted an essay from somewhere or something?
Bloody nora.
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