Defacation

Why is it that you have loads of poos some days? Is it something to do with how much food you scoff? Gillian McWitch would say so. Stupid cow.

Apparently, there's a bloke somewhere in the South of England who has caused over £60,000 worth of damage to the trains down there by pooing in the carriages and smearing it all over. Dirty bastard. He's probably protesting about the quality of the sausage rolls or something.

Can you imagine? Blimey, there are some proper odd people about.

Little Otto went back to the vet for the first time since he was given a near fatal overdose of ketamine this time last year. He's a calm little soul and apparently has never had much of an issue with travelling in the car... until today, when he peed all over my dad. He'd clearly not forgotten what happened to him last time he had to go in a car. He was OK once he got to the vet's and was back to his floppy self while being examined. The vet reckons he's a bit constipated so has given him some Katalax, which he seems to enjoy a little too much for comfort. No doubt there'll be a major shit monster episode in the early hours and we'll wake up to a house peppered with pellets of kitty poo.



At the dentist
I had my dental check-up today. It took less than a minute for the dentist to examine me and confirm that all is well in the Sniffy gob. It cost me £15.50. That's £15.50 for one minute's work. Do the maths. Still, for the same fee, I could've had an x-ray and a scale and polish included. But no thanks, they're such vicious bastards when they polish your teeth and you end up spitting blood for days.

I was having a look at my teeth last night because I'd been convinced that I've got a small cavity in one of them. I was shocked and appalled when I counted FIVE fillings. I mustn't have started brushing my teeth until I was twenty! Skanky mare. Anyway, he had a close look at where I'd been feeling a bit of sensitivity and found nothing. I think I may have an undiagnosed siamese twin in my jaw or something. You'll hear it here first.


Glad tidings
I've been holding back on letting rip with some exciting news in the Sniffy household. My sister, Bombarella, is about 18 weeks pregnant. Pregnant out of wedlock and no sign of the father I might add. Dirty bitch.

The pregnancy isn't without complications (my sister is the mother for a start!) and I'm not getting too excited until the little one is safely with us, but all being well, it's going to be great. I'm so very pleased for her and I can't wait to be an auntie. Can't wait to have a little one to influence and corrupt. Hee, hee, hee.

I've already started pulling faces in the general direction of the Bumparino, just so it doesn't get too shocked when it first meets me.

Hope Trump doesn't spoil my fun. She's so sensible at times.