There's nowt as queer as folk

How true. And I'm referring to queer as in odd rather than gay.

I really don't know why, but this place (Base 2a) has the highest concentration of really odd people that I have ever encountered. For pure bizarreness, Marianna, the Romanian with strange floor cleaning and embryo habits, beats everybody hands down. In terms of real life insanity, Katherine, the American temp obsessed with the boss, is always going to be top of the shop - she was really scary with it.

But here it's the fact that everybody is a bit odd that really makes it la creme de la creme of headfucking asylum-worthiness.

Time and again, I've ranted on about how people react to summer here. It does get hot in this building, fair enough, but this lot make a huge event out of every degree above 23. So much so that 6 brand new fans have been procured for the place - two of them are on this floor and one was in my office when I got here this morning. They're those nice ones on a stand that don't make much noise. I was a bit bemused because I've got a desk fan, but I plugged it in and set it going - the breeze from the behind was lovely and it didn't throw the papers off my desk.

Colleague from office opposite (Scouse Marie, who I think the world of, but who is raving mad) came in and immediately came into my office and started dragging the new fan out of here - while it was still plugged and operating. I asked her what was going on and she went off on a "That's my fan, blah blah blah". I told her that I'd found it in here and just assumed it was for in here and suggested that she turn it off and unplug it before relocating it in her office.

Off she went with a "It gets to 93 in my office..." while I pointed out that it was already 31 in mine when I got in at 8am. You see where I have a problem? "Ninety three" is obviously a lot hotter than the "thirty six" that it gets in here by mid afternoon.

Can... not... compute...

Not to worry, I've been happy with my desk fan for years and I've found something heavy to stop the papers blowing about.

When I got back from my constitutional lunchtime wander down the shops, my office door was closed and the lights in here had been switched off. As had the corridor lights. "I've turned your lights off for you and Allie said it was best to shut the door and leave the fan on to keep it cool in there."

I don't get this switch the lights off thing. I'd rather be able to see, thank you very much. And shut the door, but leave the fan running? How about we close the windows too?

And then there's the one who shouts alot, bosses people and rushes about, being very Welsh with it. Bustling along, having a conversation over her shoulder, she bumped into me as I came out of the kitchen. "Oh sorry, hun*, I didn't see you there."

"No, you wouldn't have, what with rushing along while facing behind you. I always find it helps to point your head in the direction that you're walking."

*I hate that!

They're all fucking mad!

Anyway, they're off in a meeting at the moment: office doors are closed, but the fans are running in there to ensure that no air circulates whatsoever.


Number 1 fan
I don't understand why you can never buy fans in the shops when there's a heatwave. Maybe they'd run out in the first heatwave ever - nobody would have one so demand would be very high. By the next summer, surely most people would have been able to get hold of a fan at some point the previous summer so the demand for fans should be less.

Every year as soon as it's hot, it's as if the fan status of the entire population has been zeroed and we all have to go out an get one afresh. Do you think people throw theirs away at the end of the summer? Or perhaps they put them away and forget where they are.

I don't get it. Then again, I bought mine really cheap during one of the worst summers ever. I remember taking it home that dull, drizzly August evening and Mother saying to me: "What on earth do you need that thing for? It's barely reached 20 all summer!".

And here endeth the Sniffy lesson in supply and demand: "I demand that you supply me with what I want!"


I think it's about time for a

Since I've not done this for a while, I figured it was about time I got a bit interactive again. Not that I have any readers to get interactive with, but I can but try.

1. Lights off in summer
2. Berkenstocks
3. Two foreign holidays in the same year
4. Minestrone cup a soup
5. Bogies
6. Tim Horton's "double double"
7. Hairdressers
8. Greater Manchester Police
9. Cows on cliffs
10. 24th October 2006