The longest day

I've been awake for 24 hours, I'm starting to feel a bit sick. Long distance flying is shite: it's impossible to sleep because the seats are so uncomfortable; there's always a bloody film playing; it's always too light. I tried covering my eyes with my hood, but this made my hair a mess and the stewardesses ignored me because they were scared!

Jesus, I'm tired now.

Anyway, I have some observations from my trip to Canada that I think should be shared with Blogworld.

For a Briton, being in Canada is a little like being in a strange parallel universe. You find yourself in a place that seems very familiar, the climate is very similar to that at home (at least on coastal British Columbia it is), they speak English, shops are the same, as is much of the food. But it's just not the same as England... thank fuck, I suppose.

I was most impressed with the way the toilets flush - they sort of suck everthing out in a vacuum, then fill the pot with water. My only bugbare was the the way they never had a complete toilet seat - they seem to favour the type with the gap at the front for some reason. Never really worked what that's all about. Of course, one thing that I WASN'T impressed with was the "portapotty" chemical toilets that took you by surprise when you'd expect something to have a proper plumbed flush from its exterior.

Come again?
The pronunciations are different and they use completely different words and phrases when meaning the same things as we do. For example, I was often greeted with "You're such a fucking cunt" by people meaning "Hey, how you doing? Hope you have a great day!", subtle differences, you see.

Things get worse in the States. Whereas the Canadians have the nouse to understand that people across the world say the same words differently, or mean the same as they do by using slightly different terms, the Americans cannot compute. For example, when asking for a "blended iced mocha", I was met with a blank stare from the coffee shop in Brewster, WA, until April stepped to translate: "That's a mow-ka frappe". There's no such thing as "cafe au lait", but there's latte a-plenty in the coffee shops. You can really throw them by talking about a fortnight.

Anyway, vive la difference and all that. It's nice that things aren't all the same wherever you go - there'd be no point in going anywhere, would there?


Oh-kanagan
This is weird, still on the subject of pronunciation... I went through the "Okanagan" in Canada and "Okanogan County" in America. There's a lake Okanagan too - it is very big. But when I spoke to people about visiting "The Okanagan", I was met with many blank looks. They don't pronounce Okanagan the way you'd expect, instead, it's like Oh-kan-argan.

At least I know now! It's nice to know how to pronounce the name of such a beautiful part of the world. Here is Mother, demonstrating what the Okanagan looks like by means of her obligatory tea towel that I bought there:

I've warned her that she has to be very careful because this is a special mystical, voodoo teatowel. The consequences of accidentally burning it when she's removing something from under the grill are raging forest fires that destroy the area surrounding Kelowna! She won't pay any attention to my pleas, so think on and look sharp!


You're very welcome
The Canadians are trained to respond to thanks with "You're welcome". I think it's genetic. It is also very endearing and I like it. Of course I engaged in such exchanges of pleasantries with my very own "It's a fucking pleasure". I think it'll catch on.

I may come back with photos and stuff from my trip, but you can get the gist of what happened from those terrible girls, Connie and April. The bitches may have been trying to kill me, but they did it in such a lovely way. April, Connie and Jenn are absolute darlings; I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to meet them and I really hope that I get the chance to meet up with them all very soon.


A quick PS
Baggage handlers at Manchester Airport are a bunch of clumsy fucking idiots. Be warned if you're too lazy to transfer $35 bottles of RED wine from your case to your carry-on baggage.