Athletics

Athetics is rubbish. I can't get excited about it; people running about, throwing stuff, jumping. Haven't they got anything better to do? "I'm a world champion in running very fast". And?

I was thinking about this earlier on. Athletics should be made more interesting by banning sprinting and running and introducing events like the 100m forward roll (or "tipple-over", as we called them as children). Or how about middle-distances in running backwards? I bet football referees would be really good at those particular events.

I suppose without "just running" and stuff, the alternative events such as "World's Strongest Man" or "World's Best Logger" would become mainstream and we'd have to endure them on the telly more frequently than on the occasional bank holiday.

What gets me is the way the TV channels broadcast long distance running events; especially around a track in a stadium. Why? You can guarantee that it's somebody from Africa who wins and that the British (or nearest thing, say Irish) hope leads the pace until the last 400m when they get overtaken by the entire field. "Such a brave performance from the girl from Cork. Tell me, what happened over the final lap".

"Well Brendan, I'd have been a world champion if the distance was 14.8km!".

Well it wasn't, and you're a failure, go and have some children or something.

It's Cowes Week this week. I wonder if Sir Ellen McArthur will be able to make it to her boat without a trauma when her sat nav fails. "I'm so alone and.... scared! So lonely, I might never make it."

Don't worry Ellen, we'll call you a taxi, they'll take you straight to the harbour. You've got your mobile and 20p for a payphone if there's no signal, it'll be fine. And there'll be some B&Q vouchers waiting for you when you get back.

Cunt.