Y'what?

I don't claim to be the best person on the planet when it comes to spoken English; I have quite a strong northern English accent and I don't always get my words out clearly. But this is OK and so long as I speak slowly enough and take care to pronounce things properly, I can make myself understood to people with varying degrees of understanding of English (except my dad). This is important when part of your job is to deliver training, give presentations, talk to people, etc. It's just a shame the fucking BBC can't employ some people who actually speak English as pundits for their coverage of the footie World Cup matches.

This'll mean sod all to people who haven't watched any of the BBC coverage, but can anybody actually understand what Gordon Strachan says? Martin O'Neill is the same, and mix this with the international former footballing stars they've dragged out, I can't understand half of what's being said. It's even worse on ITV with that twat Allie McCoist.

Don't the Scots understand that nobody can understand them unless they speak at a normal pace? Dicks.

They all talk shite anyway, so it's no great loss. Of course the kings of talking utter crap are John Motson and Mark Lawrenson. According to this pair of idiots, nobdoy else need bother turning up because the Brazil are such masters of the game that they'll samba their way to a sixth win, and the Italians are too negative and they complain about unfair refereeing too much. Oh and England have got the best chance of winning a major tournament since the last time there was a major tournament. Just get rid of them, for fuck's sake.


Spthuthcrackle
That's the noise that one of the main speakers in my car is making at the lower end of frequencies at the moment. Methinks it is fucked. How the hell are you supposed to get at them to fix or replace them. It's this sort of thing that makes me think about getting a new car.

Shite.


Exercise
It's really hard and it really hurts if you haven't had any for a while.


Superhero powers
Sometimes I wish I had the powers of a superhero. It must brilliant to be able to lift off and fly about under your own power. Bloody hell, pigeons can do it, why can't we? The skills of the stupidest creatures astound me at times.

If I was to have a super hero power, it'd be something like telekenesis. I'd love to be able to do things using only the power of my mind a la Carrie. Just to be able to stare at somebody and send them flying across a room would be great. It'd be even better to do subtle things that played with my victims' minds, like suddenly move a piece of furniture so they bruised their shins - you know the way that really hurts?

Imagine how fantastic my car journeys would be? Ahhh, the delight at watching caravans going flying off the Thelwall Viaduct....

Ho hum.


Colour confusion
I haven't got a clue what colour shoes you can wear with navy blue trousers. I bet there are by-laws whereby you can get arrested for wearing inappropriately-coloured footwear with navy blue trousers. Should've bought black.