Spicy lentil and tomato soup

That's what I'm having for my lunch this very minute. But this isn't bog standard, out of a can, spicy lentil and tomato soup. Oh no, this is FUCKIN' DELISH! Marks and Spencer fresh spicy lentil and tomato soup out of a carton. It's not as spicy as I'd like. In fact, it's not spicy at all, but I supposed Marks's need to cater for their mainly over-fifties foodhall clientele and anything like a bit of chilli powder might cause havoc with piles, chrohn's, IBS, ulcers, dicky gall bladders, varicose veins, swollen ankles....

F
U
C
K
I
N'

D
E
L
I
S
H
!
!
!

I think I ate that a bit too quickly. Oh god, I'll regret that tomorrow.


A wafer-thin mint?
I suffer from addictions: things can easily become habit-forming to the point of being obsessive. This manifests itself in a number of ways, but notable ones have been alcohol, nicotine, blogging, chat rooms, stalking.

I think my latest problem is chick pea curry. Last week at the "all you can eat for a tenner" Indian buffet, I couldn't help but go back for seconds and thirds of the chick pea curry. The problem with this is they swell up inside you and, within five minutes of finishing eating, I started to feel extremely uncomfortable with myself. It was if I'd swallowed a breeze block; I couldn't move, couldn't sit, couldn't talk, could barely breathe. I had to walk the 5 minutes or so to Trump's house and every step was a struggle. I felt like one of those 60 stone people you see who need the fire brigade to help them go to the toilet.

The evening was spent with me feeling sorry for myself, with Trump sat next to me on the sofa.... "Don't make any sudden movements! Try not to touch me, it squashes my stomach". Horrible.

Have I learned my lesson?

Did I learn my lesson the first time I got completely shitfaced and spent two days throwing up? Errrm, nope.

God, those lentils aren't half filling!


Money, money, money
I picked up a bit of currency for Canada while I was in Marks's - about $2 per pound and no commission. Knowing this, you'd have thought I'd have cottoned on the five dollar bills aren't going to go very far. Why then did I ask for a hundred dollars' worth of the things? Dick.

When she asked what denominations I wanted, I did ask whether they had any animal skins for bartering purposes, but I dont think she understood. Some people have no cultural awareness.

I like foreign money. It's always interesting to see the things other countries celebrate on their cash...

$20 bills are a green colour. OMG! They're bilingual!!! I feel violated. Eeeeuuuurrgggh. One side is Her Majesty, looking a bit old. I couldn't tell you what the picture on the other side is, but it looks like a tubby little buddha in a dinghy with a dog-like thing, a dragon, and a something that looks like Jimmy Crankie. "Could we ever know each other in the slightest without the arts?". Who knows! NEXT!

There's an older version of the $20 note that has a common loon on the back. This one is from 1991, I bet it's not even legal tender anymore. The Queen's eyebrows need some serious attention on these ones. Then again, remembering mine in 1991, I'm in no place to comment. Eyebrow topiary never really came into fashion until later on in the decade, I'm sure.

The ten dollar note is a purple colour and it commemorates service men and women and other casualties of war. A former prime minister is on the other side.

Five dollar bills are blue. Can anybody guess what favourite Canadian pastime is depicted on these notes????