11H

That's right, seat 11H is where I'll be crapping myself for both the outbound and homeward journeys. You'll see from the diagram that this means I'll be in charge of opening the door in an emergency landing. I think you'll find I'll be opening the door while the plane is about 50m above the ground and jumping for it. Then again, I'll probably get sucked into any engines that are still operating at that time (should the wings still be attached).


Tesco redemption
I love Tesco! I was just in there, doing a final bit of shopping for bits for the hols, when I came across a battery-powered item for women at half price at £12. It was a bargain not to be missed, so I picked one up, did a bit more shopping and then paid for my stuff. I was a little shocked when the total bill came to £50, so checked my receipt and noticed that I'd been charged full price, £25, for my "ladies' item". On questioning this at customer services, the woman trundled off to check what was what and came back to tell me that I was right and that she'd sort out a refund... of the the full £25.

You see Tesco have this fantastic policy whereby if they cock up and overcharge you, they refund you the total amount, not just the difference.

I love you tesco!

Anyway, this is it. No comments about it buzzing around my bikini line please!

Bereavement
I can't handle other peoples' bereavement. Not sure where that apostrophe is supposed to go.

But anyway, I can't handle it. How are you supposed to know what to say or how to act when somebody is feeling horrible because they've lost a loved one? And I hate writing in sympathy cards because it's just awkward and everybody who sends one ends up put the same as everybody else: "Thinking of you at this sad/difficult time", perhaps with the addition of something pertaining to faith or whatever. I once did a really good one and I wish I'd have kept it because I've never come up with anything like it again. Luckily, I don't have to send that many.


Ninety
Perhaps not appropriate after a bit on bereavement, but on 2nd July somebody very dear to me is celebrating her 90th birthday. Growing up without a grandmother, our neighbour Minnie Souch was absolutely lovely to us all. She moved away from here to be nearer her family in the midlands about ten years ago when her eyesight failed. But now she's ninety and I'm really happy for her.

I like old people. I love talking to them and learning about their experiences, particularly if they have tales to tell about my locality, gossip about neighbours and the parents of my former schoolfriends. The older people I have had the pleasure of knowing have been industrious, entertaining, humorous and generally stoical. They also used to get me totally shitfaced on either rum or sherry in the days when I used to drink and spend hours in their company.

Buying birthday cards for people celebrating anything upwards of a 65th birthday is quite an arduous and expensive task. Four pounds fucking fifty for something that has sparklers on it. I'm sorry, but do you really think a couple of pathetic sparklers will impress somebody in their 90s who's lived through fucking air raids?? You want the full van-load of fertiliser explosive, that's what you want!

Anyway, happy birthday to Minnie for Sunday!