Sniffy days out: 22nd-23rd April 2006

Ahhh, spring is well and truly sprung and all is good in Sniffyland. Well, nearly all is good, but it's not worth bothering about the crap.


At the zoo
The problem with public places is that they attract members of the public, most of whom are utter shitforbrains, inbred, scumbags. There could've been no animals worth mention at the zoo yesterday, but I'd have still be fully entertained by the selection of lowlife that could somehow read a map and operate a car sufficiently to get themselves there.

As usual, the footpaths were overrun with chav mums and dads, pushing the hugest pushchairs, occupied by the ugliest, noisiest screaming little fucking whingebags on the planet. They walk three and four-abreast in order to ensure that they take up the entire width of the footpath; they look surpised and shocked when normal, proper people try to pass them without being forced onto the muddy grass verges. Fucking twats.

I was particularly thrilled when a group of teenagers and their pierced and scriking offspring stopped next to where we having our sarnies in order to smoke loads of fags and be really common.

There were some additional delightful examples of scumbag parenting in the beer garden of the pub where we'd hoped to find sanctuary from the whinging little bastards and their horrible parents (perhaps "breeders" is a more appropriate word).

Never mind, it was a lovely day out with Bomb and my girl-friend (makes me smile and go a bit funny to think about it).

What is there not to smile about?

Things I learned there:

• Bat poo is green and it gets everwhere
  
• You can get married at the zoo
• Termites are brilliant!

• Chimps are great

• Penguins are impossible to photograph underwater

• Lions are very lazy, as are jaguars

• Elephants seem quite happy

• Tigers get really annoyed with little kids who stand and growl at them

• Red pandas are smaller than I expected them to be and they never stop washing themselves

• There shouldn't really be any zoos, animals should be left to live in their own natural environments. Unfortunately, if we did that, there'd be none of them left.

All in all, I had a lovely day out.


St George's Day
It's St George's Day today - he's the patron saint of England. Legend has it that George slayed a dragon or something. Anyway, to all you lot flying flags of St George and wearing roses, English flag deeley-boppers, England tops and shit? You look fucking ridiculous!

The English aren't like the Scots, Irish and the Welsh, we don't need to be all nationalistic like them, but this St George's Day business is creeping in because of a perceived favouritism towards the smaller nations of the UK by the Scottish-dominated government.

Anyway, they were out in droves in Manchester as me and Jo had a wander about this afternoon. Nobheads.

It was sunny in town today. The sun makes you feel funny and you do stuff that perhaps you wouldn't do normally. You end up finding yourself taking photos of the city...