Smell my fingers!

This was quite funny:

Sometimes when I arrive at work, or home at the end of the working day, my throat is sore from all the shouting and rage that other motorists invite upon themselves because of their own stupidity. Gives me a headache too, so it does.

My particular favourite is when you're on the motorway and somebody in the outside lane is trying to overtake another vehicle at something like 1mph faster than the vehicle they're trying to overtake. Surely the point of overtaking somebody is getting past/passed them in a reasonable time? Wagons are usually the worst offenders, but you can have some degree of sympathy with them because of their nature. Somebody who does this in a new 2.0L Ford Mondeo deserves to be run off the road. Useless fuckers.

It was Budget day in the UK yesterday and as usual, normal working people got clobbered for yet more tax. Thieving bastards, this government. Their latest brainwave is to set road tax tariffs that are dependent on a vehicle's CO₂ emissions. We also pay about 90% tax on petrol so this makes you question the logic of this decision: surely if you drive more, you produce more CO₂, and the more you drive, the more petrol you use, so the more tax you pay anyway.

This just means that Britain's roads are now going to be overrun with annoying little shit cars being driven by annoying little shites. Annoying little shites that can't go faster than 65mph, but still insist on trying to overtake on an uphill stretch of the motorway... pulling a fucking caravan.

Oh joy.


Past tense
Nothing causes me tension and anxiety more than the use of past/passed. I am always utterly confused by this and I don't think I'll ever be able to get my head round it. Obviously there are easy situations, but others just leave me feeling bewildered and let down by my powers of logic and reason.

"It passed me by" - that's OK
"I walked down the corridor; past the registrar's office, past the display cabinet, past out" - no chance.

You see, we don't get taught grammar over here. I'm just lucky that I wasn't off the day we did apostrophes when I was eight. I think past/passed coincided with a few days off with a swollen knee following the horse incident.

It's odd how certain things cause long-term hang ups. I can't cope with statistics, probability or chance. I was once shouted at by my maths teacher because she thought I was taking the piss when, having sailed past/passed trig, calculus, algebra and all the other shite on the curriculum, I came severely unstuck with coin tossing.

If you toss a coin on ten occasions and on each of those occasions, it lands heads, what's the probability that it will land tails on the 11th toss? Well, I know that it's 50%, but things then get complicated by the chances of it landing heads in a certain square on a 8 by 8 grid when there's a full moon.

I've also admitted to not knowing where to put full stops when it comes to quotation marks and I basically make commas up.

None of this is particularly important in the grand scheme of things, but I'm trying to find another excuse for explaining why it sometimes take quite a long time for me to write reports that are delayed due to extensive ponderings around the probabilty of getting the correct past/passed choice.

Ho hum.


Doctor, doctor!
Was supposed to be seeing my consultant this afternoon for a post-op chat, but the appointment was cancelled due to illness. Bumholes. Anyway, the nurse phoned me up and it's all OK as we thought. Sorry Piggy.