Just got back from my pre-op assessment; it only took 3 bloody hours. In all fairness, the first hour was spent waiting around because the nurses thought my appointment had been cancelled. They didn't realise what was going on until one of them found my notes and I heard her say "Tina Cakesniffer has been cancelled with the rest of Mr Chat's clinic".
"No I'm not, I'm here!".
But aside from the mixup, it was good fun. I had:
- 4 blood samples taken (2 from each arm) - difficult
- Height - 5'3½" (OK)
- Weight - yeah, well, we know what lets me down there, let's just say that i need to lose a stone (14lb, ~7kg)
- Blood pressure - 142/85 (bit high)
- Heart rate - 53 (bit low)
- ECG - never had one of those before (normal)
- Chat with junior doctor and consent form signing and stuff
- Heart and lungs listened to - must be OK
Can I have a little widdle on ya?
I also handed over my fresh wee sample. Whenever I try to do weeing into a tube, I always dry up - quite literally. With ten minutes left before we had to leave to go to the hospital, I still couldn't squeeze any pee out, but I was desperate for a poo (I'd had butter beans with my tea last night). I daren't do a poo in case I peed at the same time though, and there was no way I was going to have my hand under my arse at that moment. Anyway, I was eventually successful using these two receptacles:
I managed to achieve the task of collecting urine without touching my own pee (for a change). This gave me great relief, but I found carrying a tube of my warm wee a bit disconcerting. I don't quite understand how people can get turned on by piss.
Here's a question for you (women, don't know about blokes): How long does it take before you can have a wee after having an orgasm?
Here's a question for you (women, don't know about blokes): How long does it take before you can have a wee after having an orgasm?
Hospitals are great places; you get the whole spectrum of society there, even if it is generally skewed towards the lower end of the IQ scale. There were a few noteworthy examples today: a big bloke - huge - who was about 45-50, with a few tattoos on his neck, shaved head. During the entire time there, he'd mutter something to himself, then do a really loud "hee, hee, hee" laugh before continuing chunnering on to himself. His mobile phone rang at one point and I'm sure he answered, but all I could hear was "Chunner, chunner... Hee, hee, hee!".
My favourite visitors to the department was the couple who were wearing matching lumberjack jackets. They were in their fifties I guess and I could tell they weren't blessed with much up top as I saw them approach as they came shuffling down the corridor: his jacket green/turquoise/black check; hers red/orange/black check - straight off the Paris catwalk.
They sat behind me in the waiting area and immediately started going on: "Do you think we got time to go and get something to eat?" the woman asked the receptionist. She was told that she'd probably be seen within ten minutes so it was best that she waited. Of course, after twenty minutes had passed, she started to become agitated: "Could've had something to eat by now, SHE said it only be ten minutes and that was 25 minutes ago." She spoke as if she had cotton wool in her mouth, her accent was strong and local (more common than mine, obviously).
Eventually she was seen and she had her ECG and was told she could leave. "All that for having a few teeth out. Come on, we can go and get something to eat now."
Off they shuffled.
Fucking hell. You'd think these people hadn't seen food for weeks and were using the opportunity of the hospital visit to access a hot dinner. Bugger only knows how she's going to cope when her mouth is swollen and full of packing after a few extractions. I hope she gets a really hard chip stuck in her wound.
This is good
Real life Simpsons titles
23 comments:
Hmmmm...not long between an O and a pee. About 10 minutes, I guess?
And congratulations on the pee-free hand. An accomplishment indeed.
Yeah, I reckon 5-10 minutes too. It's just weird because your bladder can be absolutely full to bursting, but your sphincter is in such a spasm that NOTHING is getting through until it calms down.
What a charming subject.
I'm a bit evil sometimes. If I have to give a sample and put it in a little locker in the 'john' for collection later, I always fill it right to the brim.
I've noticed alot of women like to have a full bladder during sex.
I always go for a pee before hand. Don't ever remember saying,
"Bugger the 'afterglow' love, I'm desparate for a 'wazz'."
Steel, you've noticed a LOT of women??? Hmmm. Quite the man about town, aye?
Tina, sounds like a grand success, all the way around. No pun intended. Teehee, etc.
Have to say the farthest thing from my mind is urinating after I've had an orgasm ... WAY far. It takes a while to collect my wits about me, let alone think about getting up to go pee.
By the way, been meaning to ask - how is that you aren't getting any comment spam? Did you finally find something that works?
not long :-)
Most sexual health educators will tell you that its a good practise to go pee right after sex in case any unwelcome bacteria were introduced to the urethra. Since a female's ureter is so much shorter than a male's it is much easier for bacteria to find their way to the bladder and cause an infection. I don't know it this applies to lesbian sex the same way as hetero sex.....now I've really entered the realm of 'way too much information' haven't I? Might as well push on...
as for steel worker's comment-yes, must be something to do with a woman's wiring but it does make a difference.
(all this nonsense comes of growing up surrounded by nurses :-)
btw-good luck for next week. That was such a sweet poem from old SID.
Clicky: I don't know how it does it, but that "spam poison" thing seems to work. I get the odd spam comment on old posts, but nothing like what I used to.
And it's bloody typical of you dirty bastards that, of an entire post, you notice the bit where I mention orgasms and weeing.
Filthy cunts.
Didn't anybody check out that Simpsons thing?
well what do you expect? We're here aren't we?
I'm under the impression that you have a great fondness for dirty bastards.
(Yes, checked it. I'm sick of the Simpsons.)
Not so much a fondness of dirty bastards, just a strange sense of appeal to the lowest common denominator.
Eh, fuck the Simpsons. It's because we can talk dirty here, missy cakesniffer. We're comfortable and we can talk about the unmentionables. EVERYBODY talks about the Simpsons.
I don't talk about the Simpsons. I don't even watch it.
Tsk.
Have you heard the latest T&P podcast?
I'm with 'clicky' on the Simpsons thing. She's also right about the talking about the unmentionables.
Oh and I'm not really a man about town. Just been around awhile. Found a whole new world opened up when I started listening to what women had to say. Mind when they start talking about soap operas I do tend to glaze over.
I once caught the free hospital bus for a little trip around Bristol. A brief stop-over at the Bristol Royal Infirmary and 20p for a hot chocolate from the machine (a while ago now!), then a nice free bus-ride home again.
That was when I was on the dole and couldn't afford a car and Starbucks.
Aaawww.
5.25 secs
Good heavens SID, that doesn't give you enough time to get out of bed!
Oh, you were thinking of when you get a bit of 'practice' in, sat on the works bog.
Never timed it but next time I shall make a point of taking a stop watch to bed.
fuckkit, a stopwatch in bed? might make your partner a bit tense but give it a try :-)
Why didn't we get to see a pic of the tube filled with piss?
We wanted to see the piss!
*starts chanting and writing out placards*
WE WANT PISS!
WE WANT PISS!
WE WANT SNIFFY
TO SHOW HER PISS!
(only because SteelWorker told us he was too embarrassed to ask himself)
If you agree to comply with his request, will you be supplying 3.D glasses so we can 'oooh!' and 'ahhh' at the Sniffy Sea-Monkeys?
Well, I found the real Simpson's titles entertaining. Although I much prefer Malcolm in the Middle as a show - much more clever.
Much cleverer?
Which one is it? Both ways of saying it seem wrong.
Anyway, P after O: ages. Oh. You didn't want to know about men.
* sulks *
You are NOT going to see my piss in a tube. As tempted as I was to photo my pee yesterday, I decided against it in the name of good taste and common decency.
You filthy fuckers.
Then again, I've still got a 60ml pot that I can collect some in if I'm feeling in the mood for it.
Well, IDV, I didn't know whether it was perculiar to women or whether it affected men too, so I did want to know, but didn't want to seem stupid for asking.
I prefer malcolm in the middle too, but I don't get to see it that often.
Perculiar? Hmmm. What are you doing today, anyway? Obviously not visiting my blog.
::sulks::
O and P.
As long as it takes to sprint to the bog.
Everyone's changing their names at the moment, I don't like it. I don't like change... it scares me. WHAT'S GOING ON?
Who do you mean by "Everyone", FT? I haven't changed mine, and you still know who you are. Surely that's all that matters?
I'm going to post something within the next hour or so....
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