Facking facts

I could just say no I suppose....

A fisting of facts

1. If you were to be re-incarnated, who or what would you want to come back as and why?

A cat that is good looking, even tempered and happy, thus ensuring a life with a nice family and lots of cuddles, decent food and top class healthcare.

2. What’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever done to a friend?

Stalked them and made their life a misery.

3. What is your FIRST memory (and don’t say ‘I can’t remember’)?

I think I was in my cot, stood up and hanging onto the side rail. The cot was in my Mum and Dad's room and I was looking at them as they slept.

4. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done when pissed/blind drunk?

Where do I start? I think just the general loudness and topics of conversation that you engage in when you're drunk are hugely embarrassing. I had a row with my boss and told to to fuck off and called him Jacob Marley.

I once tried to drive one of those big earth moving things that was on a construction site that I was taking a shortcut through. I couldn't get it started (obviously) but sat there, shouting "Toot, toot, Nyyyyyyyyyyrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!" at passers by.

5. Your 3 best and worst qualities?

Good: Fairly clever; sense of humour.... stuck now
Bad: Moodiness and bad temper; my foul fucking mouth; I'm too shy.

6. You can change one thing about your partner. What is it? And what is the thing you would NOT be happy to change about them?

The first thing I'd change is having one to start off with and then I suppose I'd have to take it from there.

7. Have you ever taken drugs (illegal)?

Yes, just a bit of gange on a couple of occasions and I think some speed once when I was a student. Didn't really do much for me and I wasn't at all impressed.

8. Your perfect night/day?

Sunny day in June or July, spent with somebody special. Get up nice an early, breakfast of crispy bacon with brown sauce on toast. And a nice walk, either to a zoo-type thing (somewhere with nice animals) or somewhere secluded like a nice woodland or beach or something. Picnic lunch, curry for tea.

9. Have you ever had anything up your bum that ain’t human?

Glycerine suppositories all the time when I was a child.

10. Three things that make you really angry?

Ignorance; cruelty to animals; selfishness

11. The saddest thing you’ve ever seen on TV?

I think Diana's funeral was so sad because there was this amazing peer and media pressure on everyone to be distraught. So yes, it was a very sad occasion, but Elton's eyebrow made up for it.

Big Brother is quite sad too.

An edit: Slobodan Milosevic died today. Good.

I think one of the saddest things I ever witnessed on TV was the systematic massacre of people at Milosevic's (and others') hands. To have something like this happen on your doorstep is shocking. For something like this happen on your doorstep and know that those who could help don't have the guts to makes you want to scream. The whole world stood by as Yugoslavia was torn apart by civil war in early 1990s. Men and young boys were sent to their deaths in concentration camps, or at the hands of firing squads. We saw images of civilans being taken out by snipers (for sport) as they ran for cover on the streets of Sarajevo. This happened just over ten years ago, in the 1990s, on our doorstep, in a country where people used to go on holiday. The UN eventually sent in the peace keepers when it was safe for them to do so.

Later on in the same decade, we saw ethnic cleansing on our TV screens as Serbian forces displaced people. These were ordinary people, like those you whinge at down the shops, the people in front of you in the queue at Tesco. The people of the world called on the UN to help, but the UN was too gutless as usual. Eventually NATO got its act together and dropped some bombs - mainly on convoys of refugees. Again too gutless to send in ground troops to help out.

That, I think, is the saddest thing I've ever seen on the television.

12. Apart from a sexual organ/region, which part of your body do you really liked being touched by a partner?

Just above my hip, ears, back of neck.

13. You’re fave jelly flavour?

Orange (with those little tinned mandarines set in it, with cream). Or trifle-flavour jelly, the red one. Don't like the green one... or yellow.

14. Tell everyone something you’ve been too ashamed to tell anyone before. Your answer to this will guarantee your entry into Heaven

I know no shame.

15. Something you don’t tell you’re partner, or do enough and know that you should.

Pfhah!

16. You are a cunt. Explain why.

There are some things that just come naturally to a person I guess.