Tuesday 29 April 2008

Here I am!

We're here...

Hingham

For now at least.

We're off home again in the morning after spending the past few days here in Norfolk. It's been nice. Look, the beach at Wells in sunshine!

Wells next the sea

It pissed it down within a couple of hours of that photo being taken, but it was bloody warm and very sunny up to the point when the storm clouds rolled in over the sand dunes and lightning crashed all around us.

Rocky's been as happy as a pig in shit.

Rocky piglet

And he now smells like one.

There's something very satisfying about working a month's notice period and only working sixteen days. Especially when you get to take a mini-break in the countryside and spend time with your lovely family and lovely friends.

Aaahhhh.

Monday 21 April 2008

What a dish

These things are brilliant for washing the dishes with:

sponge_2

Perhaps not those particular ones, those look a bit rubbish, but the proper ones are ace for doing the pots with. With nice hot water and good washing up liquid, they're the best things for getting all the mush off your dishes, leaving them squeaky clean. You can use the abrasive edge to take off any dried on food, while the sponge helps the washing detergent foam up, making it go so much further.

On the other hand, these things are totally shit:

dishcloth

Unless they're absolutely desperate, do people actually use these things to do the washing up? They're useless! We've run out of washing up sponges and we've had to resort to dishcloths instead.

Dishcloths have two purposes:

  • Cleaning the carpet after one of Rocky's dirty protests
  • Stopping water dripping over the end of the bath
RUBBISH!

But check this out. A whole site devoted to dishcloths; industrial ones! Those stupid, stiff ones that are half sponge, half cloth, wholly crap. You know, those blue and white stripy ones - I think they're called J Cloths.

They could clear a whole aisle of this shite at Tesco and give it over to things like pickles, gadgets or hair products. I might write them an e-mail.


Cute sushi lunches
Talking of which, I need to contact Tesco about their sushi packaging. They've changed the packaging on their large sushi packs so now the plastic tray that the fishiness comes in contains a special little well to mix the wasabe and soy sauce in. Not a bad idea, you'd have thought, except for the fact that you can't fit any of the bits of sushi into the well to dip into the wasabe.

What's all that about then? That's about people meddling unnecessarily, that's what that is.


Cheeses strings?
What the hell are cheese strings? Are they supposed to be edible? Are they part of some government plot to stunt the development of our youth to prevent them from achieving, thus consigning them to a life on incapacity benefits, a new generation of Labour party voters?

They look awful... and so do the cheese strings.

Why can kids just eat cheese?

Says I, polishing off a packet of Fox's Viennese Melts. Fuckin' delish!

Tuesday 15 April 2008

Kernackered

You know what it's like when you're so tired that it's a real struggle to even lift your head from the pillow, but you know you have to drag your arse out of bed to go to work because you can't phone in sick because you have to give a presentation and then when you're there you desperately want to cancel the contact lens follow-up appointment you've made for that evening because you might as well wait until your new specs are ready to pick up so you phone them up to tell them but they tell you that your specs are ready so you might as well go that evening afterall even though you feel like you're dying and the prospect of sticking contact lenses back in your pisshole eyes makes you feel physically sick?

Well, that's how I feel.

The combination of lack of sleep, a slight cold, hormones, stresses (good and bad) means that Sniffy is very very tired at the moment.

But why so stressed?

Well, Sniffy has finally, after about five years of trying, FINALLY got a new job, starting in May. This means that I have to do shitty things like handovers to the morons I work with at the moment as well as start picking up new bits of information about the new job. So that's good stress.

Another good/bad stress is... buying a house. We're doing a part exchange on Trump's place for a new build (Bellway). I think we're getting a good deal. I have no idea about these things. It's in the hands of solicitors and a financial adviser. I'm keeping my head down until I'm asked to sign a cheque or a contract and once all the savings have gone and the contract is signed, the bad stress will turn into good stress. I am naturally pessimistic and wary of things, especially things involving housing developers and solicitors, but we'll see how things go.


The return of the neighbourly squeaky chicken
I hope Rocky will be happy in Bellend Towers. He'll have to encounter something that he's never had to face before in his short life: doors. HA!

He's very happy at the moment; having chewed up all his squeaky soft toys so the stuffing has fallen out, I have resurrected his squeaky rubber chicken. I'd forgotten how much he likes it. It is VERY loud and I do hope our neighbours don't get disturbed by its constant squeaking during the day while we're out of the house. It would be such a shame if he did anything to piss them off.

On one side, we have the Asian couple with the small children. They're OK in the main, but it can be a bit annoying being woken up at 4am by the man's screaming down the phone to somebody in Lahore or Karachi or Islamabad (see, I do know the names of some foreign places outside Europe and North America!). And I'm sure the sofa propped up against their window hasn't put off any potential purchasers of Trump Towers... no, not at all. Not that we haven't printed off the information for the FREE PICK UP service from the council and given it to them twice or anything. No, we wouldn't think of doing anything like that.

On the other side we have Mr and Mrs Fagash and their extraordinarily loud telly. I like the way I can hear what they're watching in their living room from our bedroom upstairs. I like the way they have a visitor for a couple of hours, but continue to have a ten minute conversation in their open doorway while blowing cig smoke into our house. I love the bloke's impression of a pig at an abattoir whenever he has an asthma attack in the bedroom adjacent to ours at 1am.

People eh?


15th April 2008
That's today's date. On this day last year, it was sunny with a temperature of about 23°C. Today, exactly a year later, it's about 8°C max, with heavy showers. I had to scrape ice from my car's windscreen this morning. It's fucking freezing.

Saturday 12 April 2008

Maybe it's just me

Maybe I'm just fussy, I don't know, but if I have a salad, there are certain things that just shouldn't be in it.

Fruit? Absolutely fucking not! I mean, come on, you're having a nice savoury salad and some tit throws in bits of apple. Idiots.

So that really goes without saying and I think the majority of people with more than one braincell and an ounce of taste would agree with me.

But there are some other things that I cannot abide in salads:

Raw onions
Green, red or yellow peppers
Unpeeled cucumber

Check this out; another offering from Lyle and Shaw...

Salad

The salad itself is lovely; fresh mixed leaved, fresh juicy crayfish tails, fresh cherry tomatoes, accompanied with a rather nice Moroccan style dressing. But what the hell is going on with that added mix of what can only be described as NIGHTMARE.

Salad horrific

For goodness sake, look at it all.

On delving deeper, I was horrified to find these!

Salad horror

They were quite tasty though.


Virgin
There's something wonderfully fantastic about a fresh pot of lip balm or hand cream, untouched by anything, not a single mark on its perfect surface.

Carmex untouched

Beautiful. And yet once that lid is removed, it's just a matter of time before its surface becomes broken, never to return to its original state.

Carmex sullied

Never again will that pot of Carmex be whole. Never again will it have that perfect smooth surface.

It's because of this, that I find myself buying a pot of Carmex every time I see one. I must have ten of the things knocking about at the moment. Lovely.

It comes in tubes as well, but they're not as much fun.


Twat of the week

Sunburn

I'm not saying anything, but if you want an explanation, click here.

Sunday 6 April 2008

Deviant ingredient

Well, what a weekend! Actually, the weekend started on Thursday evening with an appointment with Stockport's favourite housewife, Barbara Nice - that's Barbara as in Streisand, Nice as in the biscuit - at her Hiya and Higher gig at the Lowry.

The thing about the Lowry Centre is that it has several theatres and performance rooms within it and the problem with us was that we ignored the ushers who were asking us which performance we were seeing. So, before finding the theatre that was showing this:

babara nice

We burst into the theatre that was showing this:

ballet

Hey ho. Barbara was brilliant and, not surprisingly, the audience contained a high proportion of poofs. We all know how much we love our mums and an evening with Barbara nice is like spending an evening with your mum on acid.

Friday night we celebrated our 2nd anniversary... awwww. We went for a meal, which was lovely, but a bit pricey. Bloody restaurants using organic fair trade produce; why can't they just use normal produce and knock 15% off the price? This was followed by a couple of drinks in my favourite gay (lesbian) bar, Coyotes, in the village. The girls who frequent that place clearly love themselves, but this makes it excellent for people watching.

Coyotes


Saturday afternoon
We were pleasantly surprised with a phonecall from our favourite Yorkshire poofs yesterday, telling us that they were heading our way and would we like to meet up for coffee. Of course we would!

So, within a matter of hours of leaving The Village, we were there again and back in the restaurant that charges for organic things when normal food will do.

Piggy was on form, giving us a breakdown on how Tazzy manages to satisfy him despite his tiny manhood.

Piggy describes his willy

Honestly, those boys!


Saturday evening
Saturday evening took us to a friend's for dinner. The friend in question is a colleague of Trump's and the other guests were also colleagues and friends of Trump's, with the partner thrown in. Three men, three women.

Rocky came with us.

Rocky isn't used to seeing men, especially not three at the same time, three gay men at the same time is something he'd never experienced. He tried to have sex with two of them and the other bloke seemed to feel quite left out when Mr Luvvaman wasn't interested in humping his leg.

Rocky sex fiend

I was disgusted that our host even showed the little pup how to snort poppers

Rocky poppers

Rocky poppers

But, Rocky was up for it and he couldn't resist the charms of Salford's most eligible bachelor.

Rocky sex fiend

Dirty bastards, corrupting my little dog.

Wednesday 2 April 2008

Here's your stupid 7 Up


Well, the album's on its way, the first single is out and here's the video.

Yep, The B52's are back. Actually, they've finally realised that the apostrophe is incorrect and rebranded themselves as The B52s, but I feel it's 20 years too late.

The album itself is fabulous (if you like that sort of thing).

What other band could get away with singing about space ships, shopping malls, sea creatures, 2" tall poodles called Quiche Lorraine, strobe lights and kissing pineapples? All with an environmental conscience, all with a bit of cheek and all so camp?

Sniffy is happy.